Someday my Prince will come....

Book 20: "Marry Him: The Case for Settling For Mr. Good Enough" by Lori Gottlieb

My rating: *****

I started with a different book this week, but then I got a call from the library that some books I had on hold were in at the library (this being one of them). So I started it Thursday night thinking I'd read it on the side with my other one, but I got so into this that I finished it in a day and a half. This is what I learned:

Hi, I’m Amanda. I’m 24, single, like long walks on the beach and am a proponent of world peace. I’m looking for a man who is tall, dark, handsome, never has bad days, always dotes on me, sees past my flaws and accepts me for who I am, spends all of his free time with me, connects with me on a deep emotional level, and likes all the same things I do.

Honestly, it made me want to vomit writing that, but Lori Gottlieb’s point is that this is often the exact mindset of single women when it comes to what they’re looking for in a husband (even though they may not vocalize it). Pretty ridiculous, eh? I agree.

I had heard of this book from a married friend of mine who read it and loved it. Being a single woman I, of course, had to read it. And really I was nothing short of amazed. While I didn’t see myself in all of the descriptions she gave of single women, I could see myself bordering dangerously on being irrational when it comes to what I should be looking for in a husband vs. what I want in a husband. I think as a society (even in Christian circles) our view of romantic relationships is more influenced by Hollywood than what we’d like to realize.

I’m going to approach this from the Christian viewpoint because, well…that’s what I am so it would make sense. As a single woman in the post-collegiate world I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the age-old adage, “Love will find you when you stop looking.” Or something along those lines. That’s a piece of advice that I take with a grain of salt because, although I know those people mean well, it’s pretty ludicrous advice (especially when the advice typically comes from a married person anyways). Because really, what single person who wants to be married is ever going to stop looking? You’d be hard-pressed to find one. And this whole idea that love will find you when you stop looking or least except it might sound nice and spiritual, but it’s exactly the idea of pretty much every single romantic comedy Hollywood spits out. So while it may sound nice, it’s rather impractical and unrealistic.

What I learned from this book is to be realistic in my approach to finding a mate rather than being idealistic. Most women have a “type” of man they imagine they’ll end up with – the outrageously good looking, well built, blonde hair, blue eyes type. But are those the things that really make a good husband? Not in a million years. I have to discern between the things I need in a husband vs. the things I want. The things I need are consequently not the superficial attributes that women so often judge a man by (isn’t athletic enough, doesn’t look like Brad Pitt, has a receding hairline, too hairy, is too much of a morning person, etc.). They are, rather, the very same internal qualities that I desire him to value me by. So if I want a man who values me for my internal qualities why should I discount him for superficial qualities I might not initially find “attractive?”

More than anything I want to get married and have a family (not read as a desperate plea – just the reality of my life). But I can’t hold so tightly to a rigid checklist of what “The One” is supposed to be like otherwise I’ll pass up the man who is good enough while in pursuit of the elusive Prince Charming who doesn’t exist.